Dreamland

“Counting down my arabian nights, I gaze up to the moon as if to tackle it face to face. I feel drowned from the agony of hundreds more nights like this. Remembering the cold misty breeze of my home town, the trees and the night crickets, the longingness for the future engulfed me whole. Like many other previous moonlit confrontations such as this, for a brief moment I would surrender home”— rewritten from my homesick moments 2 years ago.

I was never away from home this long. Yes I’ve been out of my mom’s nest since college days but I always return and slack off in my mom’s couch enjoying cable 📺 and jjampong noodles 🍜 with my brothers . I get weak at times, wanting to just go back and settle down. But I know God brought me here for a purpose. Not my will, but His be done. One more year before I go back to Dreamland!

#DreamlandLaTrinidad  #ZeroSevenFour #Benguet#BaguioGirl #DownToThree

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Beloved Daughter

This afternoon, my senior nurse walked-in my peaceful almost-after-shift hours. Instinctively, I pretended I was busy with whatever. I was already expecting she would bother me with something urgent for tomorrow’s surgery (emergency as usual). Turned out, her purpose wasn’t me. She was telling the other nurse about her childhood memories. Curious about Indian culture I asked her, “sister, how many siblings you have?”. “Only 4 of us; all girls, but really, our papa treated us as queens! We didn’t have a lavished lifestyle but we were happy”, she responded. Something inside me broke.

These days, Im engulfed with the corporate world and its motto I call “endless productivity” and hearing this, melts me. I’m reminded we’re all human beings not a power source. We all speak the same love language. Growing up, I didn’t have a papa like our senior nurse did, but I am thankful I have experienced a lavished love of a Father. Indeed, great is the measure of our Father’s love.

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Beauty Escape

Its been so long since I felt this; the warm familiar feeling, the weakened knees, and shivering… Okay, I’m just being dramatic over a fever today. Getting sick can’t stop me, I need to keep going. Depressed and a bit delirius, I felt ugly and ignored (and old 👵 ). So, fighting this insecurity which I know based on experience will bring me nowhere but sadness, I decided to leave the clinic and take a walk out in the afternoon sun.

I sat down shaded by a tree near the library. I took off my shoes and rubbed my toes in the cool grass, gazing up the branches. I thank God for moments like this: escape to freedom-temporarily. We all need this refreshments ocassionally because the beauty of nature heals at times. Truly, He made all things bright and beautiful, see I’m already feeling better.

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Teenage Dream

Raised in a catholic school, keeping a diary is one of the pre requisites. We are obliged to record our homework, activities, teacher’s notes, then signed by parents (or so they think it was 😁) But I took an extra mile in my diary keeping not because I was a teachers pet but I wanted to remeber things. I want to remember how it feels to be young and how I was so full of love that I wrote so much! I wrote many things, like how I stole my crush’s diary and kept it for a week 😁 dreaming of a love story.

Then I met heartbreak and longingness that I had come to question why things happen. Is God just playing around my feelings? Now I am older, and I got bills to pay, I found an answer. He does not play with us nor is He just sitting on his throne doing nothing, ticking time away and watching. He is more greater than emotions, even greater than my best memories. And He knows things, he knows how I feel. The only difference is He writes a better story, better than a teenage diary.

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Precious Pearl

Excited for the weekend, I already pictured myself wearing my otd before I went to bed the other night. I wished to pair my regular pearl earings that I oh so love with my otd. I was confident I’d find it where I last placed it but lo and behold this mornin it wasn’t there. You know how you would sacrifice your time, effort and energy searching for that missing pair when you have other pairs of earing to wear anyway, even at the cost of getting late? (ah the frustrations of being a woman sometimes!)

I was reminded today from the songs I sang earlier that “He would leave the 99 to search for the missing 1”. I had been that missing one. I’ve had days when I just wanted to get lost and away from the warm crowd of love and concern. I didn’t realize I still matter. The world could live without me, but somehow I was seeked and found and was given a purpose. I just hope I would live to that purpose. Just like a pearl earing, small and simple, but it’s definitely worth the seek for I’ll be a bit more shining shimmering splendid 

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Wander-Wonder

“I got lost, in your eyes…” Tiffany’s song playing in my head reminiscing of how I intentionally got lost this afternoon. Its actually one of the best things I like to do sometimes-heading to a place without googling it first, and instead, I ask friends for direction, letting me know they care. It somehow gives me a reason to connect with friends, people, and the City that I am in. I don’t get to do this often coz I’m often late (I don’t have time to get lost) but today, I indulged myself in this privilege.

Walking at the concrete streets of Al Qouz, I was blown away by the strong breeze as if telling me that summer will be here soon (reality:sand storm happening). I remeber how my friends and I got lost on our way to Fujairah, on our way to Jebel Hafeet. It turned out to be one of the best adventures I had in UAE so far. So now, the sun has set, but I still wonder… where to get lost this time?

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Auto Pilot

When I was playing classical piano way back 10 years ago, I practiced everyday to the point of playing the piece with my eyes closed. I let the piece be a part of me. I internalized it that moving to the next measure would come out naturally. My emotions and the music become one when I used to play.6 years later I found myself working in a medical field where my emotions shouldn’t be a part of the routine. What I needed was more presence of mind and more talking! ” I apologize for auto piloting doc, I was caught up with the routine”, I was explaining to my supervisor. I discovered I had to play a different piece this time, one that requires me to have more focus. Witholding my confused emotions, I found the endpoint to what I do. The purpose is for them to have better vision. The music is for them, not for me this time. I will navigate them to see clearer, no auto pilot, but more presence of mind.

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Peter Pan

I woke up wondering about a peculiar dream this morning.  You were Peter Pan, I am Wendy, and we were flying. It’s amazing what happy thoughts can do, even if it’s just a dream I would love to fly away with you.

Have you heard of the story? Wendy falls in love soon after. Guess who? Peter Pan, no other. But they are just not meant for each other you see. He’s a free-spirited-mischievous pan, and she’s jealous of tiger lily.

I catch myself day dreaming too, you holding on to my hand. My thoughts fly away into some kind of magic moon. Somehow I know this is going nowhere. I guess I really have to wake up from this Neverland affair.

Someday, if the moon is still awake, and I’ll see a wink in his eye, let’s fly away together.  Let’s get away,  to the stars beyond the blue. There’s a Never Land waiting , where all  happy dreams come true. IMG-20170319-WA0009

©JDP📷

Manic Monday

I woke up today with a hefty weight I just couldn’t get up. Okay, I admit every morning is difficult, because I’m not a morning person really, but some days are even harder if you know what I mean. It felt like I was trapped in a mundane routine.

I tried my best to knock myself out of it coz I got bills to pay, I’m an adult now. Then I just realized hey I just ticked off a bucketlist from my 2017! I shouldn’t be feeling downcasted like it’s another routinary week. I thank God there is always something to look forward to and there’s always something better to do. There’s always something to be motivated about, like my morning coffee too . So what’s the surprise challenge for today?

©JEP

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Wish

My idle mind is swimming to the moments we spent together…We got close and you held my hand. I  want to linger some more on these saccharine thoughts of you.

Strangers pass by and I search the air for your perfume. I wished to catch your familiar scent somehow.Do you realize how you bring compressions in my chest? If you only knew how I hold my breath wishing to exhale in the rhythm of yours, my heart is unrest.

Like the flock of girls that writes their verve for you, can I just conform and join the flock too? I just needed to let this out somehow, it’s killing me. I’m so liking you, very obviously.

Can you just let me be fond of you? Just let me feed my thoughts of your arms and chest. I can only wish to touch you, from your shoulders to your face…Waiting for you to connect with me, I’m dying here, reach out for me. 20170324_161145.jpg