When I was playing classical piano way back 10 years ago, I practiced everyday to the point of playing the piece with my eyes closed. I let the piece be a part of me. I internalized it that moving to the next measure would come out naturally. My emotions and the music become one when I used to play.6 years later I found myself working in a medical field where my emotions shouldn’t be a part of the routine. What I needed was more presence of mind and more talking! ” I apologize for auto piloting doc, I was caught up with the routine”, I was explaining to my supervisor. I discovered I had to play a different piece this time, one that requires me to have more focus. Witholding my confused emotions, I found the endpoint to what I do. The purpose is for them to have better vision. The music is for them, not for me this time. I will navigate them to see clearer, no auto pilot, but more presence of mind.
I woke up wondering about a peculiar dream this morning. You were Peter Pan, I am Wendy, and we were flying. It’s amazing what happy thoughts can do, even if it’s just a dream I would love to fly away with you.
Have you heard of the story? Wendy falls in love soon after. Guess who? Peter Pan, no other. But they are just not meant for each other you see. He’s a free-spirited-mischievous pan, and she’s jealous of tiger lily.
I catch myself day dreaming too, you holding on to my hand. My thoughts fly away into some kind of magic moon. Somehow I know this is going nowhere. I guess I really have to wake up from this Neverland affair.
Someday, if the moon is still awake, and I’ll see a wink in his eye, let’s fly away together. Let’s get away, to the stars beyond the blue. There’s a Never Land waiting , where all happy dreams come true.
I woke up today with a hefty weight I just couldn’t get up. Okay, I admit every morning is difficult, because I’m not a morning person really, but some days are even harder if you know what I mean. It felt like I was trapped in a mundane routine.
I tried my best to knock myself out of it coz I got bills to pay, I’m an adult now. Then I just realized hey I just ticked off a bucketlist from my 2017! I shouldn’t be feeling downcasted like it’s another routinary week. I thank God there is always something to look forward to and there’s always something better to do. There’s always something to be motivated about, like my morning coffee ☕too . So what’s the surprise challenge for today?
My idle mind is swimming to the moments we spent together…We got close and you held my hand. I want to linger some more on these saccharine thoughts of you.
Strangers pass by and I search the air for your perfume. I wished to catch your familiar scent somehow.Do you realize how you bring compressions in my chest? If you only knew how I hold my breath wishing to exhale in the rhythm of yours, my heart is unrest.
Like the flock of girls that writes their verve for you, can I just conform and join the flock too? I just needed to let this out somehow, it’s killing me. I’m so liking you, very obviously.
Can you just let me be fond of you? Just let me feed my thoughts of your arms and chest. I can only wish to touch you, from your shoulders to your face…Waiting for you to connect with me, I’m dying here, reach out for me.
One of the most fascinating thing I learned from my cinematography class was to not over-use transitions. I used to play around video editing that I’ll use every possible transition in the app available! I was like a mad fanatic, bloodsucking everything nice from the app. Flare here and there, bokeh all over, twisting transition,stars and post it on facebook. Apparently, that’s not how the pro’s do it.
I was humbled. How marvelous a skilled artist can turn something so simple into something beautiful. I thought I had a knack for simple things: simple wedding, simple living… I began to look deeper into what makes an artist craft so beautiful. And I realized its the simple details they consider more. Like how I wanted a confidante more than an expensive ring, or how I’d rather do conversation over a simple dish than a fine dining with facebook on my phone. Respect for artists who sees beauty in simplicity bliss.
I had always been oriented since the moment I stepped abroad, that nothing is really certain. My dad used to lecture me to not be complacent because nothing is permanent: not the job, not the citizenship, not the people, not the friends.
I already knew things come and go. I’ve felt the pain of people moving on but still I can’t help but get attached to friends, the places, and the activities. I guess it’s because I knew in my heart I can never really enjoy this life without giving a part of me too. So when its starting to hurt, I will still press on, afterall I’m never alone.
Isn’t it a wonder there are 7.5 billion diverse people in the world.So many difference and oddities and yet, we still find friends whom we share our life with. I decided to do a remake of one of the most treasured moments I had with these amazing peeps and I remember how blessed I am to have found them.
How do you get along with diverse people? how do you deal with oddities? I guess you just have to love them first and the rest will follow. I know a man who laid down His life for His friends, because of love. I couldn’t have done any better. It is far more greater than a lantern lighting. For now, will just keep on loving them friends.
I ended another day internalizing how much I was able to do. I had so much fun doing most of the things I love all in one day! I played the piano, read some books, savoured my food, captured a timelapse, listened to people with deep thoughts, watched a movie! I could live like this everyday!
Some days are harder, I know tomorrow will be, (coz I’m going back to work). Other days are even more of a struggle that at times I question myself on what’s fair. But I realized I question because there’s only my point of view that I see. There is something larger than life itself. He is fair and He knows better. So now I’ll just relish my serendipity. Lift the stress of tomorrow to God and go to sleep.
I had to fly again, and I’m here in Dubai yay! I had to endure the dry throat, the cold sweat, and the shortness of breath all 9 agonizing hours. I had to surrender. I couldn’t do anything as I was already inside that massive white aluminum vessel! I told myself if I survive this, I will survive the Arabian nights I will face, and I did survive A LOT!! (spoiler: I had a labor case, and more of that later) I keep on going back on this verse over and over and over comforting myself at times that if He wills it, I will win it.
The most longeeeest year in college is always the Third. It feels like it doesn’t end, well it is very much true for me, I was stucked in 3rd year for years, that’s only in Optometry. I was in 3rd year Nursing when I felt so disappointed with myself (coz I’m dropping out again and returning back to optometry). I felt like I’m trapped in a cycle of starting things and not finishing it-Ningas Kugon- that’s how we call it in Tagalog.
You know when you’ve reached the lowest part of the road and it feels like it’s hopeless? Sometimes that is a good thing too coz you get so tired of being in the deep mud that you fuel yourself to rise up. There will always be hope, you just have to make yourself a bit more stronger. Hang in there.